Horrorshow

I just had a long conversation with Julian about life, and we had quite the epiphany. When you smoke pot you don't lose your motivation, you just aren't motivated to begin with...

This epiphany stemmed from a conversation about my longstanding issue of not having a passion for any one thing. I don't know why, but I just don't have anything that drives me, never have. Everyone I know does though, and it bothers me that I don't... I just don't know how to find it.

When me and my sisters were young, my oldest sister used to cut up barbie outfits and make new ones - she is now a fashion designer. My other sister would enter colouring and drawing contests all the time - she's now an incredible artist. My mom doesn't remember what I used to do. All I remember doing in my childhood is reading. I read, a lot. I don't read much anymore, not for lack of trying, I'm just totally unmotivated.

Wow. That was a depressing post.

I need a new job.

I'm tired of rearranging the same old displays, with the same old T-shirts, at the same old store. There's only so much I can do to keep myself from going insane.

I'm also becoming extremely lazy, now that I'm not in school, and only working a few days every week. I don't like being lazy.

I need to stop being such a recluse as well. The whole not being of legal drinking age makes that one slightly more difficult. I don't get carded all that often, but I hate lying when I do.

I also hate the majority of my wardrobe. I wish I could just scrap it all and start from scratch. This is a large contributing factor to my being a recluse as well. The age old dilemma; closet full of clothes, but not a stitch to wear.

I miss all my highschool friends. I've totally fallen out of touch with their whole world. Amazing that living in different cities (despite how close they are geographically) can cause such a gap. I'd really like to get back in touch, hence the blog.

...I suppose that's sort of like New Year's resolutions? Though, I don't believe in those much, I've never really been able to follow through with them.

Hooray for blogs?