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London Halflife

If you're compromised, drive your car through the rain.
And if you've been beaten, drive your car through the rain,
'till you wash off the buzz.

***

I can't believe how much I miss him. It's been a week and a half, and he won't be back for another week. In our 2 and a half years together (this month) we've never been apart this long. How odd is that?

The time away from him is good for me though. I've been motivating myself to get out of the house and go do things with people. I somehow managed to organize a last minute girls' night at foundation on monday, which was a lot of fun.

I suck at blogging....

On another note, I recently acquired Metric's first album "Grow Up and Blow Away". SO GOOD. It's such a pleasure listening to, and a lot more mellow than their latest album. I'm digging the mellow though.

Life is stressful. Jobhunting is still a mess. I miss Julian, our apartment is kinda lonely without him. I have a crush on Emily Haines.

***

Oh, watch out!
You're only better off at half your life,
otherwise wasted...
House of cards, you fall hard.

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Did they tell "you you should grow up" when you wanted to dream?

Did they warn you, "better shape up, if you want to succeed"?
I don't know 'bout you, who were they talking to?
They're not talking to me...

Did I ask you for attention, when affection is what I need?
Thinking sorrow is perfection, I would wallow until you told me,
"There's no glitter in the gutter, there's no twilight galaxy..."

***

And my job hunt continues...

So H&M didn't work out, which is unfortunate because I need money and I might have actually enjoyed working there. I think what made me most upset was the fact that after two interviews, they didn't even call me to tell me I didn't get the job, I got a pretty cold email 3 or 4 days after the second interview...

I hate job hunting, not only because it means I'm broke, but I often feel really useless. Looking at pages of jobs and finding only a select few that I'm even qualified for is kind of a downer. Now is probably the WORST time to be searching for a job too. Craigslist ads are few and far between, let alone finding somewhere I'd like to work. I've already lowered my standards quite a bit, but as long as I'm not applying to work at McD's, I think I can keep some dignity.

***

On another note, I've been rearranging my apartment a bunch today and I've come to the conclusion that I want a house. REALLY BAD. This is probably stemming from not working and watching Debbie Travis and other various home decorating shows in the mornings, but I really do want a house. I think my kitty would like a house too. She's been really whiny lately and I think it's 'cause she's bored with the apartment. I mean, there's only so much to explore, and she only likes playing with toys if they involve me throwing them. She's adorable though, even when she whines.

LoveLoveLove...

Blair Waldorf's closet is my dream land.

<3

I am a weapon of massive consumption...

I like pretty things...

So, I've been called in for a second interview at H&M. I applied for a full-time sales associate position (which would pay me double what I'm making now, with benefits and a staff discount). I'm pretty excited about it honestly, working somewhere as internationally well-known as H&M looks good on a resume, not to mention the opportunities for growth in the company. I'm just waiting for the call on Monday to tell me when my next interview is...

<3

Horrorshow

I just had a long conversation with Julian about life, and we had quite the epiphany. When you smoke pot you don't lose your motivation, you just aren't motivated to begin with...

This epiphany stemmed from a conversation about my longstanding issue of not having a passion for any one thing. I don't know why, but I just don't have anything that drives me, never have. Everyone I know does though, and it bothers me that I don't... I just don't know how to find it.

When me and my sisters were young, my oldest sister used to cut up barbie outfits and make new ones - she is now a fashion designer. My other sister would enter colouring and drawing contests all the time - she's now an incredible artist. My mom doesn't remember what I used to do. All I remember doing in my childhood is reading. I read, a lot. I don't read much anymore, not for lack of trying, I'm just totally unmotivated.

Wow. That was a depressing post.

I need a new job.

I'm tired of rearranging the same old displays, with the same old T-shirts, at the same old store. There's only so much I can do to keep myself from going insane.

I'm also becoming extremely lazy, now that I'm not in school, and only working a few days every week. I don't like being lazy.

I need to stop being such a recluse as well. The whole not being of legal drinking age makes that one slightly more difficult. I don't get carded all that often, but I hate lying when I do.

I also hate the majority of my wardrobe. I wish I could just scrap it all and start from scratch. This is a large contributing factor to my being a recluse as well. The age old dilemma; closet full of clothes, but not a stitch to wear.

I miss all my highschool friends. I've totally fallen out of touch with their whole world. Amazing that living in different cities (despite how close they are geographically) can cause such a gap. I'd really like to get back in touch, hence the blog.

...I suppose that's sort of like New Year's resolutions? Though, I don't believe in those much, I've never really been able to follow through with them.

Hooray for blogs?